


Letters from Mandos

by the_shy_shrimp



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Bad Parenting, Character Death, Discussions of death, Epistolary, Halls of Mandos, Implied/Referenced Torture, Nonbinary Character, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reincarnation, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:40:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28880376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_shy_shrimp/pseuds/the_shy_shrimp
Summary: A series of letters sent from a Maia of the Fëanturi in response to requests from various parties regarding the return of certain souls from the Halls of Mandos.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31





	1. Dearest Sister

**Author's Note:**

> This work will be written in epistolary style, meaning that the story will be told through a series of documents, much like C.S. Lewis's "The Screwtape Letters". Most of the letters will be signed by our main character, Auþwe, although some may come from the desk of Námo himself!

My dearest sister,

I must admit that I was more than a bit surprised to receive your letter. It has been so long since we have even seen each other, I thought for sure you had forgotten my existence entirely. I take no offense to the notion, of course, for in my line of work it is often better that I am not remembered terribly well or often, if at all.

It is quite convenient, however, that I have taken the function I have within the realms of my masters, for it puts me in a unique position to answer the questions contained in your letter.

To the first: Yes, you are correct in your assumption that I remain in service to the Fëanturi. I will not overly bore you with the obscene details of my responsibilities but, suffice to say, I am one of several who oversee the rebirth of those who have been slain. You have dwelt long in the Gardens of Lórien before, and so you understand their purpose in providing respite for the weary souls of this world, and healing for those who have hurts. So it is also in the Halls of Mandos, although the hurts healed there are of a different nature, and our methods are perhaps less gentle.

Because you are my sister in the thoughts of Ilúvatar, I know that my words will cause you distress entirely unnecessarily. I say that the Halls of Mandos are less gentle in healing than the Gardens of Lórien, but the methods employed here are not any crueler than they must be. Before a _fëa_ is allowed to be reborn, they must be cleansed of the pain acquired during their previous life, as much for their own benefit as for that of those they will dwell with in their new life. For those who have suffered greatly, it is especially vital that this cleansing is done as thoroughly as possible, at times to the point of redundancy. The cleansing itself is not painful, consisting of a trance-like state in which the spirit in question will relive the experiences which shaped them the most through their life, until those which caused them the most agony can be endured easily. The purpose is not to desensitize them, not exactly. Rather, the purpose is for them to learn from these memories, to see beyond the pain they experienced and understand the greater meaning behind their suffering, and to forgive those who have transgressed against them in the past.

I know your soft constitution may balk at the notion, but it is for their good, you must understand, and it is not done without respite. Some spend years in-between trances, meditating on their experiences and taking the comfort they need before they face their memories yet again. It is difficult to describe, but there is something special in the moment when a traumatized spirit materializes out of the darkness of the Halls and clings to one of us, seeking security. There was one I remember quite well, the spirit of a child who had suffered greatly in her short life before coming to the Halls, who would press herself as close as she could to the skin of my _fana_ for years at a time. My heart rejoiced the day she finally rejoined her family in Tirion.

But I digress. I did say that I would not bore you with the details of my work.

To answer your second question: The time it takes for a _fëa_ to leave the Halls varies greatly. Most will never leave, choosing to remain in Námo’s care until the second music. Those who do choose rebirth often take their time in healing, and are better for it. Most take several thousand years at the least, although some of the younger ones and those who did not endure much pain in life take only a century or two.

The process of reincarnation itself is quite time consuming, even beyond the time spent meditating in the Halls. After a soul is deemed ready to return to life, once they have spent the necessary time coming to terms with their old life, a new body must be built for them to inhabit. While the creation of the _hröa_ is quite a short task, coaxing the _fëa_ to inhabit said body and make it their own is far more tedious. Once the basic shape is sculpted, we leave it to the individual being reborn to bring its body into the shape it requires. Many choose to recreate the form they possessed at the time of their death, in some capacity at the least, opting to keep or remove any blemishes sustained in their previous life. For those who experienced a particularly traumatic past, it is not uncommon for them to be reborn as younger versions of themselves and be given over to an adult family member who can care for them as they mature. Only very few that I can recall have been so damaged that they have taken the form of newborns, most being those who were tortured for long years at the hands of the Dark Lord.

But again, the amount of time spent carving their new body is largely reliant on the individual. Some spend many centuries fighting with their own appearance, unsure if a particular scar that reminds them of some event that marred them should be kept, or if it is better to start afresh. During this time in the process of their rebirth, they are particularly fragile. The bodies we provide them with are truly more of matrices; a pliable lattice to be filled in and lent strength as the _fëa_ comes to join more completely with it. It is this step in their healing that requires the most patience from we, the caretakers. Some days, it can seem as though all our work is for naught, and the _fëa_ we have spent so long cultivating will reject the matrix and flee back to the arms of Námo. But in all the long ages in which I have overseen this process, there has been only one instance in which I recall such a thing occurring.

Finally, I fear the answer to your third question is disappointingly short: No. The dead do not suffer the living, and for good reason. You have been to the Gardens, you have tended to the birds there. No doubt you have seen those recently reborn as they continue their healing, preparing to rejoin their kin. Recall how they do not tolerate noises that are overloud, or even the direct light of Aþâraigas in the heat of the afternoon? Recall how they flinch away at even the gentlest touch, stumbling away regardless of intention? Recall how many do not eat, or if they do, they eat only very little, despite how their _hröar_ grow thin?

I am certain you recall how it is to live without a _fana_ , sister, how freeing it is not to have your senses muffled and bound by the limitations of a physical form. So it is also for the children when their _fëa_ leaves their _hröa_ , although for them it is far more jarring, for they are unused to the sensations that come with being a formless spirit. For the Ainur, we may see further in more vivid colors, hear the crawling of insects within the grass two leagues away, and feel the very presence of those around us without ever coming near them. It is invigorating, no? Not so for the children. They are overwhelmed by it, constantly assaulted on all sides by the noise of simply being, of having no way to filter through the barrage that was there all along and is only now unfettered. It is why the Halls are kept silent and dark, so as not to cause the houseless spirits unnecessary discomfort, and it is also why the living are not permitted within its bounds.

I know that you will argue that you are no more alive than I am, my sister, we being siblings in the thought of Ilúvatar, and more similar to each other than we are to the children. But I implore you, though I doubt you will understand, heed me on this: You have always burned with greater light than I. You have spent your existence surrounded by life, both in the Gardens and after, when you departed for Middle Earth. The light of your spirit will burn them, even unintentionally, I promise you that. We in the service of Námo who deal directly with the spirits of the slain are few, and have spent eons learning to dampen our own inner fires for the sake of our charges. Until you learn to do the same, and I mean no offense, but I doubt you will manage it, I cannot allow you into the Halls, especially not near the unhoused _fëar_.

I hope that I have answered your questions satisfactorily. It is a difficult thing to explain over the span of a single letter. I imagine that I could fill several volumes with the details of my duties, from the selection of souls for rebirth to the implantation of a _fëa_ into the scaffold that will eventually become their _hröa_ , and still the information contained therein would be incomplete. It would, of course, be easier simply to show you, but for reasons previously listed, you now know that to be unwise.

Perhaps my concern is undue, but I cannot help but wonder at your sudden interest in my work with reincarnation. It seems unlike you, sister, to take such an interest in the lives of the dead, so to speak, and those of the ones who care for them. Have the _Valier_ you serve put you to enquiring after the rebirth of one of their devotees? Or perhaps it is of your own volition that you seek this information, perhaps regarding someone you knew in Middle Earth? Someone dear to you that was lost? I know that you yourself spent no small amount of time in the Gardens upon your return, not serving your mistress, but taking much-needed rest from her husband instead. I do not fault you for it, for there have been times I myself have needed to do so when the strain of my work grew too great to bear alone. But it does make me wonder if you suffered some hurt on the far shores that has left you feeling the loss of a loved one.

Regardless, I am afraid I cannot offer you the comfort you wish for. Even if I knew the name of the one you seek, there is no guarantee that they will be prepared for rebirth, or if they want for it at all. There is nothing I can do to persuade a spirit to take form again, and neither have I the desire to find a way.

My other concerns aside, I hope you are doing well, and are keeping busy with whatever task you have set yourself to these days. I miss hearing you sing in the Gardens like you used to, but I am happier if you have found meaning in some other purpose than I would be if you turned yourself to old habits simply for the sake of preserving them. I would not have you spend your time living in the past and being miserable for it.

Give the Lady Vana my regards, and the Lady Estë as well, although I will be visiting her shortly on business soon enough. Keep yourself well.

Your sibling-in-thought,

Auþwe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do let me know what you think of this piece! It's kind of an experiment, and mostly for my own amusement, but I still want to know if you enjoyed it. I'm not sure how often this one will get updated, since Shards is still being written, but it does give me a nice break from constantly torturing Maglor. >:D


	2. Lady of the Wood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our friend Auþwe discusses the situation of someone who wants out of Mandos sooner rather than later, despite the fact that that might not be the best idea.

Artanis, called Lady of the Galadhrim and Mistress of Magic,

I bid you welcome, first and foremost, for I am aware that you are only newly returned to Valinor. It is my hope that you find yourself comfortable and at-home here, long ages though you have spent away in the wilds of Middle Earth.

While your concern for the wellbeing of your cousin is admirable, I assure you that the majority of your fears are largely unfounded. Please do not doubt my words, although you have every right to on account of the nature of the spirit in question and especially his past, and so, nonetheless, I will do my best to explain, both in the general treatment of _fëar_ within the halls and with regards to his unique situation.

To the first: No soul is kept in Mandos to serve out a sentence or to atone for past crimes. You stated in your letter that you are aware of this fact, although the wording throughout the remainder of your writing tells me that you are yet unconvinced that this is the truth.

I understand that many of the firstborn consider the confinement in and of itself to be considered a form of punishment, but I assure you that this is not so. It is unfortunate, however, that in order to recognize why this is, one must also experience what it is to exist as a spirit without a body to anchor oneself to. While you have not felt this before, I would advise you to seek counsel with Ólorin, who you knew in Middle Earth, and who may be able to better explain the rationale behind sheltering the dead from the rest of the world. I may hold expertise in the care of houseless _fëar_ , but Ólorin has walked among mortals, bound more tightly in his _fana_ than most, and so I believe he may possess a better understanding in this respect.

You also have many other relatives who have passed through Mandos and emerged in rebirth who may be able to help explain the fragility of their existence prior to inhabiting their new bodies. I am somewhat doubtful that the information they are able to provide will be enough to satisfy your inquiries, however, as most who are reborn carry little if any memory of their time in the Halls with them in life. It is a place that is not meant to be remembered, lest a grieving soul inappropriately seek respite in the arms of death, rather than my master’s siblings, as it is meant to be.

The topic of the children who willingly commit their _fëar_ to my master’s hands is a difficult one to address in writing, even for one such as I, and so I will refrain from including more detail than is necessary to answer the questions you have put forth in your letter. Suffice to say that those individuals in question are seldom allowed to walk among the living again. I understand that you may find this brief answer insufficient. I would be quite willing to discuss the matter in depth if you would be amenable to a meeting in person. Although I am capable of manifesting anywhere you might wish to speak, I travel quite frequently to Lórien, and find that the glades near the northern boundaries of the garden are surprisingly accommodating to discussions of this nature.

To answer the question that I do not doubt will come in your next letter should I not address it here: No, your cousin does not fall under the aforementioned category of souls who will absolutely not be allowed reincarnation. While it is true that he gave his spirit up to Mandos of his own volition, it was only after enduring great suffering that he did so. His enemy was meticulous in the harm that he caused, ensuring that what he did was enough to cause insurmountable pain without being lethal. Many of us wept when Vairë hung the tapestry depicting his last moments, and none of us could blame him for seeking an escape from his tormentors.

With that said, there is, in fact, the distinct possibility that he may soon be reborn. Please be aware that this statement is by no means a certainty. In fact, there are very few things that are certain in Mandos, especially when the wellbeing of our charges is involved. While my brethren and I do rejoice whenever a soul has healed enough to rejoin their living kin, our primary role is to ensure that every _fëa_ in the Halls is comfortable and well cared for. If that means denying them the rebirth that they believe they desire, so be it. It is not something I take joy or pride in, taking up the mantle of jailer and denying them a second chance at life. But it is for their own good, whether or not they believe so when I tell them. Even among the living, a wounded spirit takes time to heal. There are many still who hold a grudge against the exiles, and many who perished would otherwise be reborn if not for the danger posed to their wellbeing by those who will not let go of their anger.

As stated previously, it is yet unclear whether or not your cousin would be safe if he was given the opportunity to live again. Social and political climates are ever changing, even amongst the Eldar who change not with the passing of time. Every year at Midsummer I receive the same letter from Nerdanel, your aunt, asking very similar questions to the ones that you have asked in yours. She knows very well that she will likely never see her sons or her spouse again in life, but I do what I can to ease the hurt she feels from being parted from them. Although there is little that changes with each year with Fëanor and his sons, I try to give her an account of everything they have experienced recently and how each fares at the time of writing. I will attempt to do the same for your cousin, in the hopes that I might be able to assuage some of the fears you expressed to me in your letter.

At present, Telperinquar lies in a state of rest, dreaming of jewels and his forge, of creation and skill and those things which he loves. He will return to facing the memories of his death and the manner thereof soon enough, but we will not deny him rest when he deigns to take it. Those moments of respite are rare, and my brethren all agree that he allows himself far less than is necessary for him to heal properly. We have yet to resort to forcing him to take rest, for we do not wish to discourage his desire to grow and mend what has been broken, and yet neither would we see him snuffed out like a flame that has devoured its fuel faster than it might be replenished.

Unlike the majority of his forebears, it is not the cry for vengeance that holds him here. Surprisingly enough, that desire was swiftly abandoned soon after his arrival in the Halls, despite the betrayals he experienced in life. Rather, it is the grief borne of a failure he has placed upon himself that holds him back. His desire to break from the reputation of his house drove him to accomplishments that ultimately foiled that desire entirely, but you know these things already, for you bear still the evidence of those accomplishments upon your hand.

It is telling enough, and somewhat worrisome, that his first request upon admittance was isolation. He has expressed no interest in interacting with any of his immediate family members, and has refused the presence of other, more distant relations with outright disgust. Most _fëar_ welcome the company of those they knew in life, even if they may have once counted each other among their enemies, and for many the companionship acts a catalyst to speed the cleansing process of both individuals. He seems determined to completely separate himself from his family and any others he knew in life, and I am concerned that allowing him rebirth will only worsen his reclusive tendencies. The Children were not created to live like this, cut off from family and friends. I understand that he has many regrets tied to his failures toward those who were closest to him in life, but this separation is not an appropriate way to manage those regrets. I may need to speak with my master to see if introducing him to other, previously unknown _fëar_ who have suffered similarly might prove therapeutic for him.

Regardless, until he can come to terms with the grief that consumes him, I fear that he will never truly heal, even in spite of his and our best combined efforts. He clearly wishes to move past the events of his previous life, and while it is a healthy mentality to have for a _fëa_ seeking reincarnation, I fear that the extreme to which he has taken this idea may well lead him once again to ruin, or at the very least, great disappointment. He must face his failures completely, understand their purpose in his life and accept them, before he can even begin to consider rebirth. While he has made admirable attempts to do so, I do not think he has allowed himself the time necessary to fully understand his experiences.

As I mentioned previously, my master has not seen fit to inform me of the Ring-Maker’s fate, whether he will after a time be granted new life in Aman, or be condemned to remain here with his kin until the remaking of the world. I will make an effort to keep you informed of any developments regarding his progress.

May you walk ever in light,

Auþwe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had this chapter mostly done a while ago, but I hated the tone of it, so I basically forced myself to sit down and rewrite it because I was tired of it being unfinished. *shrugs*


	3. Little Bird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Auþwe writes two letters, offering what reassurances he can after a little bird learns to fly.

Aiwë, daughter of Varyissë and Ailinder,

Thank you very much for your writing to me. I understand that you must be feeling very lost right now without your big brother, but I am proud of you for reaching out with your questions, despite what your parents might say.

Your _amya_ is right when she says your big brother has come to stay with me for a while. When he fell off the balcony of your home, his neck was broken as he landed, which made his _hröa_ too damaged to live in anymore. So, his _fëa_ came here to Mandos where it would be safe until he is ready to have a new _hröa_. It will be quite a while, maybe a few years or more, until he will be able to come home again, if he decides he wants to. He might decide that he wants to stay here with me and Lord Námo, but I think he will want to go home so that he can play with you and Nortaro again.

Do not worry too much about Elenyo while he is here in Mandos, I promise that we will take very good care of him. He will not be lonely, either. There are many maiar who work with me that love to play, and sometimes we can even get Lord Námo to join in a game of tag with us and some of the younger _fëar_ we take care of. He might even make friends with some of the other _fëar_ he meets while he is here. Lady Vairë makes lots of soft blankets and cushions, so he will have plenty of comfortable places to nap if he gets tired. I am no good at singing, but one of my siblings might even sing him a lullaby if he has trouble sleeping. Because he does not have a _hröa_ anymore, he will not get hungry, but I know a trick or two that will help him remember what snack time is like so that he does not forget the taste of sweet raspberries before you can have them with him again.

You are right when you said in your letter that you think Nortaro does not understand why your brother is gone. He is only very young still, and it is possible that he will not even remember Elenyo by the time he comes back home, and that is why I am giving you the very special job of helping Nortaro remember. It will be difficult, but I think it will help you to not forget him either. You are his big sister, and without Elenyo to take care of him, the responsibility must now fall to you. It is a big job, but I think your brother will be very proud of you when he comes home.

Also, thank you very much for the drawing you sent along with your letter. My quarters in Mandos are quite boring, and so I’ve put it up on my wall. It is so well done that even Lord Námo smiled when he saw it, and it takes a very good drawing to make him smile. I have included a drawing of my own for you, although I fear it is not nearly as good as the one you sent me.

Be brave and do not forget that Elenyo loves you,

Auþwe

* * *

Varyissë, daughter of Rúnamo, and Ailinder, son of Terendil,

My deepest sympathies for your recent loss.

Elenyo is faring well here. Athough I was occupied in Lórien on the day he arrived, one of my siblings was able to receive him and get him settled with a group of other young _fëar_ around his age. He seems to be getting along with them quite well.

When he first arrived, I am told he was understandably confused, but not distraught by any means. Mandos has ever been a place for rest, much like Lórien, and so it is only very rarely that the _fëar_ here experience any emotions vaguely close to distress. I know that this is a concept difficult for many who have not passed through the Halls to understand, but rest assured that fear is a rare emotion here, the idea of which is borne mostly of rumors and seldom of fact, and I have felt none of it from your son.

As I told your daughter, I do not think he will be here for too long. His death was accidental in nature, and he still possesses much of his childhood innocence. There is little for him to be cleansed of before he may take a new body. Still, it may take a year or two for him to reach the point where he is ready to do so, and I implore you to be patient in that time. Although there is always the chance that he will decide to remain in the Halls, I doubt he will make that decision: Every day he tells me that he wishes to see his siblings, and I do not believe that desire will diminish with the time he spends here.

When the time draws near for Elenyo’s release from Mandos, you will be notified with a letter from either me or one of my siblings, so that you may make your way to Lórien to receive him. It would be best to leave Aiwë and Nortaro behind, perhaps with a relative or friend who can care for them in your absence, as the atmosphere in the Gardens near Lorellin is not often agreeable to younger children. Elenyo may not be ready to leave immediately, and I would not have your younger two grow restless and disturb the others there seeking healing. Please do not take offense to this, I mean no slight against your children’s character or behavior, it is simply the way things are.

I would suggest, however, that you do not discourage Aiwë’s curiosity on this matter. There is no need to apologize for her inquisitiveness, despite the fact that you have already done so in the letter you sent accompanying hers. She has every right to know these things if she chooses. It is my purpose to answer questions like hers, and if knowledge is how she best copes with the loss of her brother, then it would behoove you as her parents to encourage her in that endeavor. There is no evil in wanting to understand what lies beyond death, despite the Vanyar traditionally treating such knowledge as taboo. 

Should you find you have further concerns regarding your son’s wellbeing, do not hesitate to write to me in the future. In the meantime, comfort your remaining children. Do not forget that they are grieving just as much as you are.

May you walk ever in light,

Auþwe


End file.
